Not a Ghost
by LostMyselfinDreams
Summary: Set after the miniseries. Kara's fear of being forgotten surfaces on Galactica. AU because Helo's on Galactica.


Just a story that I wrote for an English project. Unbeta-ed so all mistakes are my own. I just realized that the formatting got messed up, but I think I got it fixed.

* * *

Not a Ghost

I jolt awake, _Galatica's_ bell clanking throughout the bunk room. Gaeta's voice penetrates the air, cutting into the quiet sanctuary of my bunk, formally signalling the start of the shift. I groan, shrugging off the thin cotton blanket. Pulling back the curtain of my bunk, I see that Helo and Racetrack are already pulling on their flight suits. I never understood how people could be so energetic in the morning.

"Morning Starbuck." Racetrack's high voice causes the headache from yesterday to come back with a pounding intensity.

Helo, ever the observant person, notices my pain and pulls out a bottle of painkillers. "Here, Kara. Doc Cottle gave me these for my leg." I give Helo a grateful look and dry swallow a pill. Handing back the bottle, I open my locker and start pulling out the smooth material of my flight suit. Morning briefing is in twenty minutes, but Lee always arrives at least five minutes early. I unwrap the small, stone statues of Artemis and Aphrodite that rest on the shelf.

I don't want to wake up the pilots who had the late shift, so I whisper,"Lords of Kobol, hear my prayer. Cherish the souls that have newly arrived, and let us who are still alive remember them forever." I drape the cloth back over the figures and rush out of the room.

-... ... -.

I walk down the corridor that leads to the briefing room, and I see Lee a couple paces ahead of me. I fall into step with him, "Hey, Apollo. Rumor has it you're planning an op."

Lee glances sideways, shuffling the papers in his hand. "Starbuck, if I knew anything about a recon operation, I definitely wouldn't be at liberty to discuss it." He smirks, and pulls me over to the nearest bulkhead. "In fact, I definitely wouldn't be allowed to tell you that my father's picked you to be the recon pilot."

I'm surprised. "Why me? Wouldn't you be the better choice? You're the CAG. Plus, you're not the insubordinate pilot."

"That's true. But I'm also not the Fleet's ace pilot. You should know, with that crazy stunt you pulled at Ragnar."

-... ... -.

I heard the Commander's voice over the wireless, "Good morning, Starbuck, what do you hear?"

All around me, debris of destroyed Cylon Raiders are hitting the canopy of my Viper. "Nothing but the rain, sir."

"Grab your gun and bring in the cat." I can hear the amusement in the Commander's voice.

"Aye aye, sir. Coming home." I turn my Viper around towards _Galactica_, but out of the corner of my eye, I see that there's still a pilot out in the fray. It's Lee, the stubborn idiot. I hit the thrusters, closing the distance between us.

"I'm losing power. I'm not gonna make it. Starbuck, it's over. Just leave. That's an order."

I'm not going to leave him out there. "Lee, shut up and hold still!"

-... ... -.

"Of course. How could I forget that I saved you from the Cylons?" I grin at Lee, and we continue our walk to the briefing room. "Just don't expect it a second time."

-... ... -.

"Alright, good hunting everybody." After fifteen minutes of boredom, Lee ends the briefing. The other pilots out of their seats, and begin to file out of the room. As I'm rising out of my chair, Lee calls, "Starbuck, can I have a minute?"

I sit back down, and I hear the sound of the hatch closing. I have the feeling that I'm not going to like where this is heading. "There better be a good reason for this, Lee. I have to be in the hangar bay for the op."

Lee sits in the chair next to me, our knees touching. "Are you sure that you're okay with doing this? It's a big responsibility."

"What? You don't think I can handle this?" My voice is getting louder as my anger grows. "Lee, I have to be out there everyday! Unlike you, sitting in your office laughing at the rest of us!"

"Kara, you know that's not true! I didn't ask to fill out paperwork every waking moment!" Lee's blue eyes are clouded with worry, and he has a wounded look on his face. Almost like a kicked puppy. It's too much, and my eyes lock on to how our knees keep brushing together. Once. Twice.

"Yeah. Just like the Cylons asked us if we wanted to die." I said bitterly. "Just like they asked us if we wanted to be on the run for our lives." Or how the countless dead pilots asked if they wanted to be forgotten. I can't remember how many of my friends have been killed. I even can't recall most of their names. Chuckles, Flat Top, Crashdown, Fireball. A few of the many who are gone forever.

"Hey, look at me." When I don't meet his eyes, Lee tilts my chin up with his finger. "I just want you to know, Kara, that I'm your friend. If there is anything you want to talk about, anything you want to get off your chest then I'm here for you."

My heart is pounding in my ears. I can feel it racing as I think about it."I'm scared, okay? Are you happy now?" I don't notice that I'm crying until Lee wipes away a tear with his thumb. His hand stays there, cupping the side of my face.

"Kara, we both know that one day, the Cylons are going to catch us on a bad day and just blow us away." Lee's voice is soft and soothing, and I can feel myself relaxing into his hand.

"That's the thing, Lee. I'm not scared of dying. Every time I get into my cockpit, I think about dying. But that doesn't scare me." There, I said it. And it's true, I don't fear the emptiness of space. I find it relaxing, flying through the darkness.

"Okay, so you're not scared of dying. What are you afraid of, then?"

I can't not tell him. "Being forgotten." The tears are back, but Lee makes no attempt to stop them from running down my face. I usually get into a hysterical fit every time I think about it, and this time's no exception. I try to take a deep breathe, but I end up turning into a coughing, slobbery mess.. "I'm terrified of being a nameless person when I'm gone."

Lee pulls me into a tight hug. "Kara, you're one of the most memorable person I know. You stand out in a crowd. There's no way that anybody who has met you would forget the loud, alcohol-chugging Starbuck."

"But what if I don't want to be remembered like that? Don't you see? It's all an act!" I pull myself away from Lee's embrace and bury my head in my hands. I can feel my carefully built walls crumbling down. "Lee, Starbuck.'s fake. Everything I do is to forget my fear. When I'm drunk, I don't worry about being forgotten. Every stunt I pull is to feel the thrill of flying. To forget."

Lee shifts again so I can see him, kneeling in front of me. "Kara, I know you. Not Starbuck. You. I know that you had a messed up childhood. I know that your mom used to beat you after your father left." The mention of my mother makes me tense.

-... ... -.

I'm thrown onto the floor, my mother towering over me. "You're worthless! Always remember Kara, nobody will remember you when you're dead. And if they do, they'll curse your name." Socrata Thrace sneers, "Life is full of punishment, Kara. It's time you were punished."

-... ... -.

I'm back in the present, and Lee's still talking, "I remember when you convinced me to steal Hot Dog's towel while he was in the shower, and hide it in Kat's locker. That can't be just Starbuck. Kara's in there too." I smile, thinking of all the stupid pranks I pulled on people. I'm fairly sure that Lee still doesn't know that I'm the one who hid all of his dress greys when he needed them for a meeting with the President of the Colonies.

Suddenly, Gaeta's voice comes over the intercom system, "Pass the word for Captain Adama and Lieutenant Thrace. Captain Adama and Lieutenant Thrace, please report to the starboard hangar bay."

Lee stands up, pulling me with him. "We better get down there before they send a search party. But when you get back, we're talking more about this." He squeezes my hand, smirking. "I want to know all of your dirty secrets, Kara Thrace."

-... ... -.

On the hangar bay, my Viper is waiting for me, along with the Commander. I salute, and he says, "Good hunting, Starbuck. Stay safe"

"Thank you, sir. I will, sir." I turn to climb up the stairs to my plane, but Lee's there.

"Good hunting, lieutenant." We shake hands, and in front of the whole deck, he hugs me. "You won't be forgotten, Kara."

He releases me, and I climb up the metal stairs. On the last step, I turn around, and a sea of familiar faces are looking back at me. Suddenly, I feel a weight being lifted from my shoulders, and I know that Lee's right.

* * *

Thanks for your screen time.


End file.
